Books I have read..

M and I land up at barnes and noble bookstore almost everyweek. It is part of a week’s way to enjoy ice-cream ( M eats the strawberry sorbet and me the vanilla and pomegranate with mango, strawberry, blueberry and almonds). So, during our trips to the B&N bookstore, I noticed this one book called “Home” by Toni Morrision. 

Thoughts about “Home” by Toni Morrison – The beginning is great and some parts of it is amazing and it is deep for about half the book. But after that it disappoints or rather could not tie the amazing beginning to the end. Somewhere it losses the depth and the ending is quite normal. I like the size of the book and the cover and how it starts..

Thoughts on The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrision. The books is good and not the best book or something I would recommend. But the book is good. I like the description of why women behave with their kids with hard/cruel/ignored behavior. I completely understand what happens. There is this one particular paragraph in the book that is quite well written. Page 170 and copying “She had not lived by the sea all those years, listened to the wharfman’s song all the time. to spend her life in the soundless cave of elihue’s mind”. Probably this statement means a lot more to me than anyone else, resonates with my perception of my world of today. 

This is how I receive and consume a book. I have paragraphs and phrases and idealism and ideas and perceptions that I connect with and remember, mostly for a long time like years. The drawback in my approach is that I might completely miss the point of the book and hang on to something very tiny and minuscule aspect. 

 The next book in the queue is Mindy Kaling’s “Is everyone having fun without me”. Exactly my thoughts. This book is my birthday gift ! 

Cancer and Research

I hear today a piece on This American Life about cancer research. About how the cancer cells can start dying when a wave ( electromagnetic I suppose ) causes it to die. There is some use of chemo for killing the cells. I am going to start looking at the ideas in cancer research and add to this post as and when I find it.

Death and Question

This is recording of what M has been questioning me:

M: Why do people die ?

H: When people get old they die because the heart stops pumping blood and one dies.

M: Will you die ? When will you die ?

H: I will die too. But not soon, long time.

M: How long ?

H: 100 year old I will die.

M: How old are you now.

H: 35 and 100 is a long way off.

M: No. it is not. You cannot die. You cannot leave me.

Then M stops and thinks and looks really sad and finally says ” Mom we won’t celebrate any more of your birthdays”

Her fear of losing me is making me really sad. I don’t know how much she thinks about death and what she perceives. I fear asking more about it. I don’t want her to think much more than what she is already thinking. I woke up middle of the night wanting to protect her and hugged her in the fear that I would really leave her alone in the case I really die. What will happen to her ! How will she survive and what will happen to all my dreams for her.

This American Life

I was recently watching this american life and saw some valentines day episodes. I probably can never write what was told in the radio show.

The exact feelings that one feels and can feel those in the voices of the people one hears. The exact words that describe the feeling. I sensed a feeling of being related too and when the words describe what I feel.

There are 2 distinct feelings that I remember. One feeling is the feel of love and when it envelopes us we all feel and submerge in that feeling. The sense that the person is always with us and we see them everywhere and we want to share everything with them. The episode I saw had that feeling and I could sense that through his voice. The pain and the love very clear and simple.

The second is the feeling of living with someone who has drifted away from you. The feeling of loneliness and the distinct silence in the presence of the person you don’t want to be with. The feeling of sitting in a room with someone you are not comfortable with being in the same space.

The links to the episode are:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/203/recordings-for-someone

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/349/valentines-day-2008?act=1

I also listen to others from the series and was mostly looking for the romance section.

The power of recordings and when one listens to them in the future, it is so powerful and it reminds one of where I was and where I am now and what I wished for them and what am I doing now. It also gives a sense of feeling of your past and that you are all that is not just now, but a history and a making of the past. The recordings is you in history and your own history.

I am thinking, I will make some recording for M about what I feel about her and why I am doing the things I am doing and my reasons. I probably may not be able to explain to M the exact scenario and what I feel. it will help M relate to me and understand me. Spoken words and spoken words to someone can get easily derailed. Either one does not speak all that needs to be spoken, for the right time to speak it or don’t find the right words. Written and recorded data has no such burden and have more power and possibility.