This is recording of what M has been questioning me:
M: Why do people die ?
H: When people get old they die because the heart stops pumping blood and one dies.
M: Will you die ? When will you die ?
H: I will die too. But not soon, long time.
M: How long ?
H: 100 year old I will die.
M: How old are you now.
H: 35 and 100 is a long way off.
M: No. it is not. You cannot die. You cannot leave me.
Then M stops and thinks and looks really sad and finally says ” Mom we won’t celebrate any more of your birthdays”
Her fear of losing me is making me really sad. I don’t know how much she thinks about death and what she perceives. I fear asking more about it. I don’t want her to think much more than what she is already thinking. I woke up middle of the night wanting to protect her and hugged her in the fear that I would really leave her alone in the case I really die. What will happen to her ! How will she survive and what will happen to all my dreams for her.