M’s Wish List..

  1. Russian Doll
  2. Stuffed Teddy
  3. Stuffed Dog Toy
  4. Stuffed Animal

The Russian dolls was difficult to find. The stuff toys will join to the tea party that M has and all of them are served tea and cookies. It is a sight ! Some 15 of them.

M’s has instructions for me, she wants pie for Santa, hot cocoa and carrots for the Reindeer. They are to be kept near the fireplace. There is a card for Santa that shows M and Santa under a tree looking at butterflies.

My friends are quiet serious people or it takes a lot of make them laugh. A friend called last year around the Christmas time and I was asking about “What does one put in the stockings and its purpose “, and M overheard all this and she asks “Mommy, are you talking to Santa”.  He was ROFL. Until then I did not realize that  Santa is real for M and I should not take it lightly and stick to whatever M’s plans  🙂



Candy !

Me and M are not morning people. I  believe there is something called as morning people and evening people. I can be awake till about 11.20-12pm and M is usually awake till about 10-10.30pm.

So, school in the morning at 7.45 is a struggle. We are dragging our feet reaching school.

One particular day, M just did move and I was running and trying to make it to school on time. She started walking at snail pace.

And I got mad at her and yelled, that she does not understand what hurry up means and that TV and other important things will go away if she does not react. She did not budge.

On the way back after dropping her to school, I was miserable. What kind of morning start am I providing ? Yelling at her. How is her day going to be  ? Gosh…

So, I packed a “sugar candy” and a post-it note saying “Mommy loves M” into a ziplock bag to drop at lunch hour, at her after care school. I got smiles from her care taker there when I delivered this ziplock bag.  I told them we had a fight at morning and I feel terrible about it.


I go to pick her and M is all smiles. M says “Mommy, next time, pack the roll-up”

That was heartwarming to hear !

Death and Question

This is recording of what M has been questioning me:

M: Why do people die ?

H: When people get old they die because the heart stops pumping blood and one dies.

M: Will you die ? When will you die ?

H: I will die too. But not soon, long time.

M: How long ?

H: 100 year old I will die.

M: How old are you now.

H: 35 and 100 is a long way off.

M: No. it is not. You cannot die. You cannot leave me.

Then M stops and thinks and looks really sad and finally says ” Mom we won’t celebrate any more of your birthdays”

Her fear of losing me is making me really sad. I don’t know how much she thinks about death and what she perceives. I fear asking more about it. I don’t want her to think much more than what she is already thinking. I woke up middle of the night wanting to protect her and hugged her in the fear that I would really leave her alone in the case I really die. What will happen to her ! How will she survive and what will happen to all my dreams for her.