NPR Show…

http://www.npr.org/2014/05/20/314239583/in-life-and-fiction-edward-st-aubyn-sheds-the-weight-of-his-past

This radio show just shook me at my core. It makes me realize what happens and what can be and what is. How to have compassion for oneself. The authors voice is so authentic and so filled with what he feels. it is because it is real that it brings emotions. I shuddered at certain parts of the talk..gosh..I know things happen, but with a radio show and someone talking to you personally, it is like you can see it happen through your car windows..just out in the open…..I was listening to it driving.

The author edward-st-aubyn also states how someone can relate to through a book more than people in your life. How a book author who is dead now can clearly explain what you feel in words that yourself cannot form. The power of books is that it is a personal communication between the author and the reader.

Gathering the courage to listen to the radio show again…

The secret in their eyes

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1305806/?ref_=ttqt_qt_tt

This movie is quite amazing. I saw it a while ago, but it resonates today.

I don’t have access to this movie now, but if I recollect correctly the guy who is imprisoned for murdering says this “Please talk to me, say one word”, “please ask him to talk to me”. This is a kind of torture punishment where the person is physically not harmed but it probably is one of the worst kind of torture and the impact of this is not comparable to any other kind of torture.

It happens, people don’t look at you for years, months or days, even living under the same roof. The silence causes a monologue in the mind which is very hard to break out off. It is addictive too and it engulfs your thoughts, your personality, your motivation, you desire to be anything even if being insignificant was the purpose.

Solitary confinement happens in everyday life. The silence that creeps into peoples lives either by choice or just something that was not regulated. But it does become the primary source of pain if silence decides to build a house in your home.

Books I have read..

M and I land up at barnes and noble bookstore almost everyweek. It is part of a week’s way to enjoy ice-cream ( M eats the strawberry sorbet and me the vanilla and pomegranate with mango, strawberry, blueberry and almonds). So, during our trips to the B&N bookstore, I noticed this one book called “Home” by Toni Morrision. 

Thoughts about “Home” by Toni Morrison – The beginning is great and some parts of it is amazing and it is deep for about half the book. But after that it disappoints or rather could not tie the amazing beginning to the end. Somewhere it losses the depth and the ending is quite normal. I like the size of the book and the cover and how it starts..

Thoughts on The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrision. The books is good and not the best book or something I would recommend. But the book is good. I like the description of why women behave with their kids with hard/cruel/ignored behavior. I completely understand what happens. There is this one particular paragraph in the book that is quite well written. Page 170 and copying “She had not lived by the sea all those years, listened to the wharfman’s song all the time. to spend her life in the soundless cave of elihue’s mind”. Probably this statement means a lot more to me than anyone else, resonates with my perception of my world of today. 

This is how I receive and consume a book. I have paragraphs and phrases and idealism and ideas and perceptions that I connect with and remember, mostly for a long time like years. The drawback in my approach is that I might completely miss the point of the book and hang on to something very tiny and minuscule aspect. 

 The next book in the queue is Mindy Kaling’s “Is everyone having fun without me”. Exactly my thoughts. This book is my birthday gift ! 

Cancer and Research

I hear today a piece on This American Life about cancer research. About how the cancer cells can start dying when a wave ( electromagnetic I suppose ) causes it to die. There is some use of chemo for killing the cells. I am going to start looking at the ideas in cancer research and add to this post as and when I find it.

This American Life

I was recently watching this american life and saw some valentines day episodes. I probably can never write what was told in the radio show.

The exact feelings that one feels and can feel those in the voices of the people one hears. The exact words that describe the feeling. I sensed a feeling of being related too and when the words describe what I feel.

There are 2 distinct feelings that I remember. One feeling is the feel of love and when it envelopes us we all feel and submerge in that feeling. The sense that the person is always with us and we see them everywhere and we want to share everything with them. The episode I saw had that feeling and I could sense that through his voice. The pain and the love very clear and simple.

The second is the feeling of living with someone who has drifted away from you. The feeling of loneliness and the distinct silence in the presence of the person you don’t want to be with. The feeling of sitting in a room with someone you are not comfortable with being in the same space.

The links to the episode are:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/203/recordings-for-someone

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/349/valentines-day-2008?act=1

I also listen to others from the series and was mostly looking for the romance section.

The power of recordings and when one listens to them in the future, it is so powerful and it reminds one of where I was and where I am now and what I wished for them and what am I doing now. It also gives a sense of feeling of your past and that you are all that is not just now, but a history and a making of the past. The recordings is you in history and your own history.

I am thinking, I will make some recording for M about what I feel about her and why I am doing the things I am doing and my reasons. I probably may not be able to explain to M the exact scenario and what I feel. it will help M relate to me and understand me. Spoken words and spoken words to someone can get easily derailed. Either one does not speak all that needs to be spoken, for the right time to speak it or don’t find the right words. Written and recorded data has no such burden and have more power and possibility.